Types of People Per the Number of Tissues They Use

There’s an interesting message placed on top of the tissue dispenser in the washroom at my workplace in Lower Parel. It but it goes something like this:

One tissue is enough to wipe your hands. Three tissues are enough to wipe your ego.

Urmi estate bathroom message
The message put up inside the washroom at my work place in Lower Parel, Mumbai.

I need to find the person in my agency’s HR/Admin department who was behind this message and congratulate them. While I gather the time and courage to do that, I thought I’ll point your focus to how this little placard and its holy message has been received by the people who use the washroom.

I don’t think I have seen anyone – at least when I’m in the washroom too – respect the underlying point of that message. It’s like almost invisible to them or they have reached a point where they have started to ignore it with the help of the workings of their ego. Whatever it is, all I know is that the number of hand tissue strips that one uses can help us identify the type of person they are.

(Note: This article counts a paper napkin of the size of approx. 18 x 22 cm as one tissue strip. The type that comes off a dispenser near the hand wash area which is now being slowly replaced by electric hand dryers. For the worse.)

So, here’s a list of types of people according to the number of tissue strips they use. It is possible that you might realize you are one of these people. Apology not delivered.

  • Zero Tissues – Does not mind that their folded handkerchief has created a slight protuberance over their pocket. Does not get annoyed when they accidentally step on a watery surface with socks on. Is okay with stuffing the wetter version of their handkerchief back to where it came from. Will die by age-related complications.
  • One Tissue – Knows that climate change is not a hoax. Takes part directly or as an armchair activist in discussions involving waste management, land fills, and environment conservation. Aspires to switch off the fans and lights in Mumbai local trains when they are not in use but forgets or has not yet been able to do so. Does not get offended when the server at a McDonald’s outlet does not automatically gives tissues along with the order.

I am between these two types of people.

  • Two Tissues – Uses a lot of water to wash their hands and face. Keeps a kerchief handy but does not use it because they don’t like the feeling of a wet cloth living in their pocket. Thinks their use of things made out of paper over those made out of plastic almost qualifies them for an “environment conservationist” prize. Would be categorized as the next type (on this list) if they had three hands.
  • Three Tissues – Has a rich first-generation family member. Does not have a tissue dispenser at home. Makes use of all the free stuff at work religiously. Is usually one of the first five people to arrive at a party. Did not follow the news when the Maharashtra government banned single-use plastic materials in mid-2018.
  • Four Tissues – Bad at statistics. Does not greet people before a meeting. Still uses a saucer to drink tea but does not use a coaster when the cup does not come with it. Suffers from some kind of ailment that limits their performance on bed.
  • Five Tissues – Can be seen shouting at an empty tissue or soap dispenser. Fought with their school management and failed to get all the washrooms equipped with mirrors when they were in 9th grade. Abhors opinion articles like this.
  • Six or More Tissues – Monster.

The best argument against this list will come from people who say the number is need-based. I tend to disagree with that unless they are dealing with a post-vomiting session.

Also check out these wonderful messages (Hinglish language in English script) I found on the tissue holder at the popular roadside snackbar Blossom in Khau Galli, Ghatkopar.

  • Comic strip #3 at Blossom in Khau Galli, Ghatkopar
  • Comic strip #2 at Blossom in Khau Galli, Ghatkopar
  • Comic strip #1 at Blossom in Khau Galli, Ghatkopar

In another part of the world, I wish someone created a version of this list involving the length of toilet paper one uses after answering any one or two of nature’s calls. TN.

Image courtesy: Pixabay/bluebudgie

Update: Added my identification + description of a tissue strip. Fixed typos. (22 March 2019)

Update #2: Added image of the message + a gallery of comics related to the cause of less tissue usage. (31 March 2019)

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